8.4 white lace and promises
Still rushing to be ready for company! I have written a quickie though and am thrilled that I could post today. white lace and promises (I found a moment to begin...
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"Eyelash lace" sounds like the most delicate fabric ever. Lovely poem.
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I like the way the second stanza bumps up against the first, particularly this line:the veil over what you'll hide, the mother and daughter switching places both literally and figuratively is a nice...
View ArticleRe: 8.4 white lace and promises
The poem, like the fabric, is delicate, fragile. Have never heard of eyelash lace, but how perfect! Love the changing places. I wondered about the tense change (from present-tense "look" to past-tense...
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Thanks, Toni. I wanted the N. to be looking at the dress after the wedding. I can see how "sat" is confusing. Not wanting to change the tense of the last four lines, I should take your advice and...
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Good one! Is there a way you could make it end on your current next-to-last line? Keep the eyelash lace in there, please! But I like "you hold and I'll gather" as the summation. How about "pallor"...
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The language seems very strong esp. in S1 -- lots of alliteration that somehow fits the subject matter. I love the first line . .. the marriage ship!
View ArticleRe: 8.4 white lace and promises
Thanks, all! I know this is not a revision thread, but... I love your suggestions, Chris. Thanks.
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